Newspaper of the Century | The 2008 Hijinx Awards
Trolley patients ‘happier than ever’, says HSE
Following reports which suggested that up to 400 people were awaiting admission to hospitals across Ireland the HSE has insisted that ‘there’s nothing to worry about’.
Each of the patients is currently lying on a hospital trolley in a corridor, janitor’s closet, hallway or atrium but hospital administrators say media reaction has blown the problem out [...]
Major cuts to be made in public sector
The Taoiseach and the Minister for Finance are reportedly set to announce major reforms of the public sector that will include significant lay-offs and the rationalisation of more state agencies. It is believed as many as 75,000 jobs could be lost.
Many feel the move is long overdue with bloated agencies costing millions per year on [...]
Cervical screening will go ahead in 2081
Minister for health, Mary Harney, has today reneged on her earlier decision to cancel the cervical cancer vaccine, stating that the life-saving treatment would hopefully be made available by the year 2081.
Following the dissolution of the Hutt Party yesterday, it’s been an extremely busy week for the Minister. She now finds herself without her political [...]
Harney slammed as cervical cancer vaccine plan scrapped
Independent TD Jackie Healy-Rae has accused Minister for Health, Mary Harney, of being ‘the angel of death’ after she revealed plans to have all 12-year-old girls vaccinated against a virus that causes cervical cancer were to be scrapped.
The Minister claims that due to the economic downturn that resources cannot be made available and must be [...]
Women will not be charged for cancer recheck
Mary Harney has announced today that women who wish to have their cancer results rechecked will not be charged for the privilege. The health service are kindly absorbing the cost.
In a completely unrelated story, a man was accidentally served a putrid, piss-covered badger carcass in a top Dublin restaurant yesterday. The Sentinel learned that the [...]
HSE in fresh misdiagnosis outrage
There was further condemnation of the health service today as it was revealed that a seriously injured man was sent him from Clare General Hospital last week. The man has since died and relatives are calling for an independent enquiry into the circumstances surrounding his death.
Terrence Brown, from Ennis, arrived in the emergency room at [...]

