Many feel the move is long overdue with bloated agencies costing millions per year on wages, first class transatlantic flights and high-class Eastern European escorts. The most radical changes will be made in the health service with the entire HSE to be abolished from the end of March 2009.

A network of witch-doctors is to be assigned to each postcode in the Dublin area while travelling clinics will treat the rest of the country.

To oversee the changes a new agency, the National Operations Bureau (NOB), will be established. This agency will oversee spending, job creation, state purchases and the day to day running of the public sector in general.

It is thought as many as 75,000 jobs could be created.

Rancor: Cushy number with the HSE

Following the dissolution of the Hutt Party yesterday, it’s been an extremely busy week for the Minister. She now finds herself without her political party to back her up in any major cabinet decisions.

Speaking to the Irish Sentinel earlier this morning, Harney explained that, although the lives of thousands of young women could be saved annually, budget constraints had forced her to delay the implementation of the scheme for at least 72 years. She added: “Sure they’ll probably have a cure for cancer by 2081. I’ll be long in me grave by that time. Sure what the feck do I care. Now c’mon, where’s that breakfast roll you promised me?”

While her future within the Irish government looks uncertain, The Sentinel has learned that the Rancor has secured a high-ranking position within the Health Service Executive.

Terrence Brown, from Ennis, arrived in the emergency room at the hospital last Saturday night complaining pains throughout his body. After being examined by doctors and having had a number of x-rays he was advised they could find nothing wrong with him and sent him home with a prescription for a mild antibiotic and some painkillers.

Minister for Health fails to notice death of bridge partner

Mr Brown, a father of five, died some time early on Sunday morning. A post-mortem showed he’d been shot in the face, stabbed twenty-six times in the abdomen, poisoned with strychnine, had cancer of the liver, kidneys and lungs (including a tumour the size of a basketball in his stomach), was positive for HIV and Hepatitis C and was suffering from an acute case of German measels which caused open, pus-filled sores on his body.

The Minister for Health was unavailable for comment today but a HSE official has insisted doctors acted properly and with due care. “Look, what happened to Mr Brown is unfortunate but anybody could have missed those symptoms. They’re consistent with a dose of the flu and it was thought a bit of bed rest and some anitibiotics would have him up and on his feet in no time. Obviously we sincerely regret what has happened but let’s not make mountains out of molehills here.

Of course it’s unfortunate but you have to factor human error into every situation, every job. Haven’t you gone to a restaurant and asked for a steak medium rare then been given one well done? This is just the same thing. A breakdown in communication between the waiter and the chef is the same as one between a patient and a doctor. Perhaps if Mr Brown could have been more specific about the nature of his illness he’d still be alive today”.

Public faith in the health service is at an all time low and this latest misdiagnosis scandal is sure to make things worse. Rather than go to hospital a growing number of Irish people are instead choosing the use the internet to self-diagnose. Others still setting up tribes so they can appoint a witch-doctor who they feel will be more use to them than the kind who gives you three tests for cancer, tells you you’re all clear then goes ‘ooops’ when you die a few weeks later.

The deceased’s son, Terrence Jr, has called on the Minister for Health and Professor Brendan Drumm, head of the HSE to resign. “How many more people have to die due to the incompetence of HSE staff until somebody takes some responsibility? They can blame doctors, nurses, funding, or anything else, but ultimately these two are responsible. They’re paid the big money, yet they continually fudge the issue and people dying of cancer are being told they’re healthy.

How can the public have any trust in the health service? How badly does it have to be run before somebody does something about it?”, he said before being admitted to hospital himself having picked up MRSA when visiting the Clare General to complain about his father’s treatment.

: Public reaction to the latest scandal plus a quote from Clare General oncologist Dr Turlough McDowell.

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