Ronnie McGrew kills all known germs dead.

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From all corners of the country bloggers of all shapes and sizes converge on Dublin to drink pints, tell jokes about UNIX and swap Wordpress upgrade tips. Secondary to this is an elaborate awards ceremony, hosted by popular radio presenter and former TD for Dublin South-Central, Rick O’Shea.

Mullet has challenged Declan Ganley to a duel. As yet Ganley has not repsonded.

Already preparations are underway for the 2009 show with a change of venue and, indeed, a change of city. This years awards will take place in Cork, home of the founder and country music singer Damien Mullet. He told the Irish Sentinel “People have said it’s great that I’m bringing the show to Cork, the real capital of Ireland, and that I’m doing my bit for Corkonian rights, but it goes much deeper than that.

It’s all to do with handiness. After this year’s show I can just grab a taxi and go home. As you might imagine a taxi from Dublin each year costs a fortune”.

But with excitement building amongst the blog populi a dissenting voice has emerged. Hank Scorpio, Libertas spokesman, has called on people to vote against the Irish Blog Awards. He said “So what is in this ‘awards show’ that is so objectionable? It grants extensive powers to the Irish Blog Awards with no real means of holding accountable those taking over the power. The Irish Blog Awards will have extensive power over key areas Irish blog life. In some of these they are even granted exclusive control and in others they will have the ability to write Irish blog legislation.

In fact, it is hard to think of any major function of blogging in which the Irish Blog Awards cabal would not have power over if the Irish Blog Awards goes ahead. For the future of Irish blogging people should vote ‘no’.”

The move has been met with widespread condemnation across the Irish Blogging scene apart from the blogger who likes everything who said “I can see his point of view. Yes, the Irish Blog Awards is great, and yes, it’s my absolute ambition to win one but Libertas won’t follow me on Twitter if I go against them so I’m saying that we should acknowledge how great the awards are and give full props to Damien Mullet but at the same time we should vote ‘no’. It’s easy being me”.

It’s not the first controversial incident to emerge from the Irish Blog Awards. In 2006 blogger Twenty Major sent a henchman who, unbeknownst to many, released a pheromone into the audience which would ensure he won awards for the next two years. His evil plan was revealed in his 2008 autobiography ‘My life as a cunt’, before his enforced retirement due to old age.

And in 2007 fourteen audience members were gunned down in cold blood by a Limerick gang who took their fancy dress just that one step too far.

Even Westboro Baptist Church hates blog spam

But from these humble surroundings Colin Doyle, an unassuming 31 year old, has made his fortune on the web. Others have built their websites and sold them on, traded on a great idea or service, but Doyle, a failed journalist recently fired by the Irish Independent for providing stolen copy just one time too many, is making his money in a different way. He is Ireland’s first full time spam commentator.

A typical day begins around noon. He sleeps in during the morning as he stays up late to spam American blogs but says the time difference isn’t an issue. He plunders Australian and far-east blogs while they head for their beds, bombards Europe throughout the day and then, after an evening meal, he goes to work ‘in’ the US, which he says is where the real money is made.

Speaking exclusively to the Irish Sentinel he told us how it works. “Niza replied left front straight flush interpreter forbonus symbol ikolaevich. Styopa dialled cold was first five was moved inside straight unabridged. Oliver coming woman shouted bet max orchestra had ]double exposure blackjack online quantory best coat said crazy dice alworth.”

It’s a method that has worked well for him since he began almost 6 months ago. There are those that consider what he does to be immoral but Doyle strongly disagrees, saying “Very nice site. I am moved by your comments on this particular subject

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However, Doyle’s emergence as the leading spam generator is not winning him any fans in the Irish internet scene, renowned for its purity and wholesomeness. “This guy is a blight on the Irish internet”, said Lloyd Murphy of the Irish Internet Alliance. “He’s even worse than sweary bloggers or Rosanna Davison’s profile on Bebo. Frankly the Gardai should be doing more about scum like him. Instead he can spam all day long and makes millions while the rest of us have scratch around on the $32.87 we make from Google ads each month. He should be banned from cyberspace”.

Doyle estimates he makes upwards of 45,000 spam comments every day, using self-made tools and applications which churn out dozens of comments a minute. And despite the outrage and objections to what he’s doing he says he won’t change and that he’s just making a living like anyone else. “medical insurance navy

It’s a far cry from the bitter, tired ranting that spews from the keyboards of the country’s most prominent keyboard warriors but Bernard Byrne is unapologetic about his approach. Speaking to us via telephone he claimed it was about time Irish blogs stopped being a platform for hate and petty sniping and instead focussed on the good things in life.

“Why should blogs only be used to fuel the dark side of life?”, he asked. “There’s so much wonderful stuff in this world of ours. Such beauty, wondrous light and the most amazing people who are so generous with their time. We should embrace them and leave the boring, angry pontificating to those people whose lives are obviously bereft of goodness. I feel sorry for them, semi-colon, small letter o, close bracket”.

Ion, like a lion in Zion. Irish blogger positively charged.

Byrne, whose posts include theories on why ebony and ivory can live together in perfect harmony, went on to say “I know many people will think ‘Hey, what are you being so positive about?’, but that’s just the kind of person I am. I see the bright side in everything. If a doctor told me tomorrow I had cancer I’d realise that it was merely life opening up new experiences to me, ell-oh-ell. If I were in a restaurant and I found out my steak was gone off and had maggots on the inside I’d be thankful that I got a glimpse of the maggot life that I would never have had otherwise. You cannot enjoy life unless you can appreciate the magnificence of every situation, person, place or thing, colon, hyphen, capital D”.

But others are not convinced, saying that what Byrne is doing is harmful to blogging. One of Ireland’s top bloggers, who asked to remain anonymous, said “We have spent years building up our curmudgeonly ways and now this chap wants to come along and flipping ruin everything. It’s a blooming disgrace is what it is and I’d like to see some kind of examination system introduced so twits like him can’t just come along and call themselves bloggers. If we don’t introduce some kind of blinking apprentice system then it’s all going down the tubes, mark my words”.

This is the first time anybody has introduced any positivity into the Irish ‘blogosphere’ since the demise of the fabled Blogtrottah, a supposedly satirical and cynical website devoted to celebrity culture but which was, in reality, a Unix powered celebration of the best of Irish political and media life. Perhaps now the scene is ready for something that isn’t morose and petulant and with not so much a chip on its shoulder as a 10kg bag of Kerr’s Pinks.

The final word goes to Byrne, who took time out from writing a post about how brilliant other blogs are, even the ones he claims not to like, to tell us “If you can feel a wind blowing through Irish blogs it is not a sour, poisonous cloud like the ones we have had to endure for so many years. This is a zephyr, a warm mistral of enlightenment. As that wonderful rock band The Scorpions would tell us, this is a wind of change, pointy bracket, asterisk, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, are-oh-eff-ell”.