Newspaper of the Century | The 2008 Hijinx Awards

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Lady Gaga to quit social media. For charity. Not for real. For charity. Not how you think. For charity.: 21st century attention seeking. - Let’s have a round of applause, and a... This is living. This is the Living Room. : One of the great challenges facing the government during the votes on... Government to take a stand, following market research : Political anoraks all over the nation can’t stop talking about the... Volcano to shutdown M50 Northbound at Ballymount: In what commentators are calling an act of God, the M50 Northbound at... Global warming re-launched as ‘Good Weather’: Billions of earthlings had their loads lightened this morning with news...
January 23, 2009

Community slammed for inaction in abuse case

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : Irish News, World News

Angry citizens of cartoon land have slammed Charlie Brown and his bohemian friends after details of a shocking abuse case emerged. One of Brown’s group, Pigpen, was frequently seen in school with dirty clothes, stink lines and, from time to time, flies around his head.
An investigation by social workers has revealed that Pigpen was forced [...]


January 20, 2009

Obama inauguration spells trouble for Dublin man

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns

A Dublin man was arrested in his Mount Street office today and charged with ‘lack of interest in the inauguration of a black president’.
Dermot Mannion, who works for an advertising agency, was at his desk when Gardai arrived on the scene, placed him in handcuffs and carted him down to the Pearse St station in [...]


January 13, 2009

Cowen says Irish economy needs Japanese kickstart

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns

On the first day of his official visit to Japan Taoiseach Brian Cowen has denied any falling out with Minister for Finance, Brian Lenihan, and said Ireland needs to look at Japan in order to get the economy going on.
On rumours of a dispute between himself and Minister Lenihan he said “There’s nothing to it. [...]


January 12, 2009

EXCLUSIVE: US to withdraw all support for Israel

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : World News

The Irish Sentinel can exclusively reveal that one of the first moves of Barack Obama’s presidency will be to withdraw all US support for Israel.
The two countries have been long-time allies with the United States providing financial and military aid, often in the face of severe criticism. However, a recent protest in Edinburgh has provided [...]


January 9, 2009

Fresh approach to African starvation needed, says expert

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : World News

A leading Oxfam executive has called for fresh new thinking to solve the ongoing crises in Africa. At any one time up to 350,000,000 people are suffering the effects of famine and although traditional aid methods have helped they have done nothing to stem the long-term problem.
Now though an Irish Oxfam executive thinks he’s found [...]


December 31, 2008

2009 ‘worst year ever’, says New Zealander

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : World News

New year’s eve – a time when many people commit suicide. For those who aren’t such cowardly pussies it’s a chance to put a bad year behind them and start again.
However, folk who have suffered throughout 2008 and are hoping the new one will be better will be dismayed by reports from New Zealand which [...]


December 29, 2008

Israel condemned for further strikes on Gaza

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : World News

There was further condemnation of Israel last night as armed forces launched another savage attack on the Gaza strip.
The missile bombardment, described as ‘retaliatory’ by Israel’s foreign minister Yitzak Kilarab, came in response to a Palestinian attack on a Jewish family’s house in Lennox Street, Dublin 8.
In the early hours of last night a Palestinian [...]


December 24, 2008

Christmas cancelled as Santa checks in to rehab

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : World News

Millions of children across the world are facing a bleak Christmas after it was revealed than Santa Claus is unlikely to make his deliveries this evening.
Reports suggest that he travelled from the North Pole last night and checked into the Priory clinic in what onlookers described as a ‘tired and emotional’ state.
Santa’s PR agent, Max [...]


December 15, 2008

Mutant zombie spotted in Manchester

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : World News

There were frightening scenes in Manchester this weekend as a real life monster prowled the streets and terrorised passers-by.
Reports were made to police at around 1.30am as revellers in the Princess Street area were faced with the hideous beast. It is thought that the zombie, who had already feasted on the blood and brains of [...]


December 5, 2008

Mother of Shannon Matthews to face extended jail term

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : World News

The mother of Shannon Matthews, whose 24-day disappearance sparked a massive police hunt and media campaign, faces a ’substantial’ jail sentence after being found guilty yesterday of kidnapping her daughter.
Karen Matthews hatched a plan with Shannon’s uncle, Michael Donovan, to keep the child hidden and get rich off the money donated by the public and [...]