Let’s have a round of applause, and a cinder block on the fingers, for Alecia Keys, who came up with the idea of raising money for charity by asking you to pay to see celebrity tweets and Facebook updates. On the face of it, this sounds like real progress – less Lady Gaga, more money [...]

Two of Ireland’s top models will fight to the death in an exclusive live bout on TV3 this weekend.
Rosanna Davison, son of nanny shagging crooner Chris de Burgh, and Glenda Gilson, of no esteemed parentage whatsoever, will battle it out in a caged arena at Dublin’s O2. The pair have been at loggerheads since one [...]

Councilors and gardaí in Mayo are calling on people to give up bad driving for Lent. Mayo County Council has said that instead of giving up chocolate, beer or hanging around the swimming pool taking surreptitious camera phone photos of pre-pubescent girls in swimsuits, motorists should stop speeding, tail-gating and using phones while driving.
The gardai [...]

The heavenly hosts are gearing up for a real jamboree this Wednesday ahead of God’s much anticipated annual trip to earth. One highly placed source within heaven said: 
“April Fools is the one day of the year when the Gods can walk amongst men. No matter what manner of miracles are wrought, humanity resolutely refuses to [...]

A County Kildare schizophrenic has been jailed for 5 years after being found guilty of raping himself in June of last year.
Leixlip man, Ciaran Gallooogaly, turned himself in to Gardai at Harcourt St in the early hours of 6th June 2008. The 26 year old bank official was in a visibly dishevelled state and wore [...]

A new survey shows that 82% of men said they would rather throw rocks at Peaches Geldof than touch any part of her with their penis, while Bianca Gascoigne came 15th in the ranking of ‘things I would like to see my curried vomit land on’. On sexual health, Jodie Marsh has leap-frogged Chlamydia to [...]

England’s most famous racist water-buffalo, Jade Goody looks set to lose her battle against cancer anytime now, in what the majority of poll respondents agree is ‘no great loss’.
A spokesman for cancer said: “Of course she’s going to lose her battle against cancer. No one beats cancer. The US army and Diego Maradona don’t beat [...]

In a shocking and tearful statement today Irish Times columnist Roisin Ingle has admitted to being Spiderman.
It had long been thought that intrepid photographer, Peter Parker, was the man behind the mask but in a hastily arranged press conference today Ingle admitted she had been the web-slinging vigilante all along.
Her confession came after a photograph [...]

Residents of Templeogue in Dublin are calling on Gardai and the army to help them fight a spate of attacks by radical insurrectionist ninjas who have recently moved into the area.
The otherwise sleepy suburb has been on high alert since the first incident took place just two weeks ago. A middle-aged man was making his [...]

It’s good news for lushes, sots, drunkards, rummies, barflies and alcos across Ireland as publicans have announced a one year price freeze.
The gloomy economic outlook, rising unemployment, and more people opting to drink at home has put pressure on the industry to get revellers back in to bars. The Licenced Vintners Federation (LVF) and the [...]