Newspaper of the Century | The 2008 Hijinx Awards

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December 3, 2008

Dublin suburb reels from Ninja plague

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : Irish News, Lifestyle

Residents of Templeogue in Dublin are calling on Gardai and the army to help them fight a spate of attacks by radical insurrectionist ninjas who have recently moved into the area.
The otherwise sleepy suburb has been on high alert since the first incident took place just two weeks ago. A middle-aged man was making his [...]


December 1, 2008

Vintners to freeze drink prices. Not everyone fooled.

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : Irish News, Lifestyle

It’s good news for lushes, sots, drunkards, rummies, barflies and alcos across Ireland as publicans have announced a one year price freeze.
The gloomy economic outlook, rising unemployment, and more people opting to drink at home has put pressure on the industry to get revellers back in to bars. The Licenced Vintners Federation (LVF) and the [...]


November 5, 2008

Breaking news: McCain accuses Obama of ‘using force’ to manipulate vote

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns

John McCain has accused newly elected President Barack Obama of using Jedi help to get elected.
“I think we all know Senator Obama’s connections with both sides of the force. Remember, this is the man who betrayed his friends to Darth Vader yet flip-flopped away from the dark side when things were going bad for the [...]


October 22, 2008

What a wiki-ed game to play, doctors stunned

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : Irish News, Lifestyle

Internet access in operating theatres is to be discontinued at all major Irish hospitals after it emerged doctors are using wikipedia to help perform complicated surgeries.
It was revealed late last week that when Eircom’s broadband service went down in the Dublin 7 area one surgeon had to make frantic phonecalls to a colleague in order [...]


October 21, 2008

Harney and Lenihan praised for medical card solution

Fintan Chevalier
Posted by : Fintan Chevalier
Filed under : Irish News, Lifestyle

The Minister for Health Mary Harney has been praised for her courageous strategy in solving the recent medical card crisis.
Together with Brian Lenihan, the two ministers have devised what they call a ‘fair and balanced’ plan to ensure that nobody over 70 is left out in the cold following this year’s highly controversial budget.
Under the [...]


October 16, 2008

Jews call for an end to Hallowe’en

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : Irish News, Lifestyle

Irish rabbis have called for Hallowe’en celebrations to be banned, a move which has sparked outrage amongst Moore Street fireworks sellers.
Jewish leaders claim that in a secular nation there should be no religious celebrations apart from Yom Kippur, Hanukkah, Passover, Rosh Hashanah, Tenth of Tevet and Harvey Fierstein’s birthday. Rabbi Sam E Davis Jr from [...]