Minister for the Environment, and power hungry invertebrate, John Gormley today claimed the introduction of water charges could raise as much as €1bn a year for the exchequer.
Speaking to reporters outside the Green Party HQ, a hollowed out tree stump beside Baggot Street bridge, Gormley claimed the introduction of such charges was long overdue with [...]

A number of violent episodes followed in the wake of the boards.ie hack last week. Intrepid forum moderators had no choice but to manifest their Hitler complexes in the so-called ‘physical’ world.
“I moderate my forum on boards with an iron fist. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, fucks with me and gets away it.”
The words of [...]

Ireland’s top criminals held a secret meeting in a Baldoyle warehouse this weekend to to discuss the ongoing dispute between crime journalist Paul Williams and the Sunday World.
Despite fulfilling his contract the Sunday World has tried to prevent Williams from taking up a job offer from the News of the World, going so far as [...]

Under a new edict from Batt O’Keefe, Minister for Education, Science and The Proud Inability to Correctly Pronounce Words Ending in ‘ION’, all schools will close from Wednesday next  until the end of time because “it’s been terrible windy the last few days.”
Speaking slurringly to the Irish Sentinel in the wee hours of  Saturday  morning, [...]

News that festering pork-slit, Mary Lou McDonald, has crashed out of public life has been greeted with enthusiasm by anyone with two brain cells to rub together, according to initial reports on the public reaction to last Friday’s elections.
“Who the fuck is she kidding with her stupid face and her crap mullet? She has [...]

Irksome, slack-jawed, Penney’s-frequenting yokels are set to over-run the capital this week end when their considerably better rugby team visits Croke Park to beat the unholy shite out of ‘Lunster’ en route to a Heineken Cup-winning certainty.
Ordinary people, who days ago sent their affection and well-wishes in the direction of the deeply unfortunate Tomas [...]

It may be doom and gloom for economies, but one silver lining this Spring is the booming business of fiscal metaphors. Once the sole province of David ‘pass the cocaine’ McWilliams, this intellectual space is now swarmed by every balding, right-wing, conservative-religious commentator the midlands can cough up. 
On Wednesday, Bruce Arnold of the Irish Indepedent [...]

Flushed with the success of his radio ads encouraging people to spend every waking hour in the pub – responsibly – funny bald man, Dara O’Briain is set to take his lovable delivery into the awkward hearts and minds of thirteen-year-olds all over Ireland.
 “For Big Tobacco to stay profitable we need to start 500 teens [...]

Michael O’Leary has grabbed headlines again with his latest move now being a surcharge on prolonged, psychological unhappiness.
“We trade in misery at Ryanair, and no-one is going to come on one of my planes and stew in their own juices without paying me for the pleasure.”
The new charges will see recently broken-up people pay and [...]

A County Kildare schizophrenic has been jailed for 5 years after being found guilty of raping himself in June of last year.
Leixlip man, Ciaran Gallooogaly, turned himself in to Gardai at Harcourt St in the early hours of 6th June 2008. The 26 year old bank official was in a visibly dishevelled state and wore [...]