In what commentators are calling an act of God, the M50 Northbound at Ballymount will be closed due to a volcanic eruption in the area. The volcano, named ‘askmebollix’, has led to 750 metric tons of nonsense being spewed into the airwaves every second as gobshites around the country add their tuppence.
Literally hundreds of people [...]

Speaking to the Dail this afternoon, Tánaiste Mary Coughlan, tried to clear up the confusion surrounding state training agency FÁS after the cabinet reshuffle.
Critics suggested that the Taoiseach had deliberately made the issue bewildering so it would be more difficult for any futher corruption to be unconvered, but Coughlan denied that was the case.
“At the [...]

Residents of affluent seaside suburb Clontarf have demonstrated to the rest of the country what needs to be done about the most pressing issues of the day, according to renowned social commentator, raconteur and Ron Watters.
As residents took up their cheaply made signs and Farrah slacks to protest at the opening of a new ‘head [...]

Two of Ireland’s top models will fight to the death in an exclusive live bout on TV3 this weekend.
Rosanna Davison, son of nanny shagging crooner Chris de Burgh, and Glenda Gilson, of no esteemed parentage whatsoever, will battle it out in a caged arena at Dublin’s O2. The pair have been at loggerheads since one [...]

Dun Laoghaire Harbour. The boulevard of broken dreams. A lonely Tayto packet whistles across the rain-spattered jetty, near where the group of Irish mammies are huddled in the cold, waving goodbye to their sons. One of them crushes a fag butt beneath her sodden Louboutins and turns away. She can’t look [...]

Catholic Church officials have today announced their plans to revolutionise the whole area of child abuse, says our religious correspondant Paddy Winkletwitch.
At a hushed press conference in Dublin’s five star Crofton Airport Hotel, assembled reporters were told by church officials that public perception of child abuse was at an all time low and that the [...]

Taoiseach Brian Cowen has said there are no immediate plans to increase the existing retirement age for either public or private sector workers.
However, as Cowen is about a trustworthy as Gary Glitter in a room full of pre-pubscent Asian girls, reports are leaking from Leinster House than an announcement is imminent. The Irish [...]

The Israeli intelligence service has taken time out of its quarterly Irish passport panhandling exercise to compare notes about character assassination with the former Minister for Defence, Willie O’Dea.
Speaking on behalf of the visiting delegation, Deputy Mossad boss Finbar McGinty said:
“We were impressed with the direct way Mr. O’Dea tackled his mark. He said to [...]

In an highly charged interview on RTE’s News at One, Minister for Defence told Sean O’Rourke that he was a victim as the controversy over his Limerick Leader interview continued.
The Limerick TD was clearly emotional as recent events had been ‘very difficult’ for him in the wake of his allegations against Sinn Fein’s Maurice Quinlivan [...]

King-of-quitters Roy Keane has publicly supported George Lee following Lee’s shock departure from Fine Gael last week. The move followed a tough nine months for the RTE celeb-reporter during which sources say Lee just, ‘couldn’t get his way’.
Speaking about George Lee’s brief political career, Keane said:
“He should turn off his phone. It’s basic manners. Turn [...]