Sources close to Ashley Cole have said he’s ‘over the moon’ at the break up of his marriage to Girls Aloud singer Cheryl. Cheryl, who came second in Britain’s most photographed Geordie of 2009 competition behind Sting, made the announcement yesterday after returning from Los Angeles.
The Chelsea player has been the subject of widespread scorn [...]

Irish Independent columnist Kevin Myers has emerged this morning as the shock new candidate for a place on RTE’s football punditry panel. With bosses set to fire former Liverpool midfielder Ronnie Whelan after numerous complaints about his ‘high-pitched witless bollocks’, it seems Myers recent foray into the world of sports analysis has impressed deputy head [...]

Things might be bad in the public sector, but spare a thought for the assholes whose job it is to vomit nauseating slogans into your mind – advertisers. Things are so bad that new outdoor ad stealth-megalith, Bravo Advertising, has taken to advertising itself.
Advertising about advertising – normally the preserve of dreadfully sub-standard national broadcaster [...]

Tributes to teen sensation Miley Cyrus have been dribbling in since it was unexpectedly revealed today that the Hannah Montana star is in her last days, relatively speaking. The singer’s team of doctors  have released a statement confirming rumours that Ms Cyrus is indeed suffering from what has become known as ‘The Human Condition’.  Since [...]

Irksome, slack-jawed, Penney’s-frequenting yokels are set to over-run the capital this week end when their considerably better rugby team visits Croke Park to beat the unholy shite out of ‘Lunster’ en route to a Heineken Cup-winning certainty.
Ordinary people, who days ago sent their affection and well-wishes in the direction of the deeply unfortunate Tomas [...]

His country may subsist on a diet of boiled mud and mysogo-genocide, but that hasn’t stopped Kim Jong Il from launching an early bid to make himself Top of the Pops this Christmas. 
The North Korean Premier hopes to croon his way around any number of meaningless UN resolutions to secure a live performance in the [...]

The heavenly hosts are gearing up for a real jamboree this Wednesday ahead of God’s much anticipated annual trip to earth. One highly placed source within heaven said: 
“April Fools is the one day of the year when the Gods can walk amongst men. No matter what manner of miracles are wrought, humanity resolutely refuses to [...]

Reports in Dublin social circles say that Gavin Friday is to undergo a sex change operation in Seattle next week as he tries to resurrect his career.
Friday, best known as a friend of Bono’s and for not being Simon Carmody, will travel to the world renowned Moyet Clinic, having grown unhappy with his lot as [...]

After the glitz and glamour of Hollywood and the Oscars two of the young stars of Slumdog Millionaire are said to be struggling to adjust to life back in the slums.
Both Azharuddin Ismail and Rubina Ali have returned to their former homes and, according to local media are ‘acting up’ as they try to come [...]

A new survey shows that 82% of men said they would rather throw rocks at Peaches Geldof than touch any part of her with their penis, while Bianca Gascoigne came 15th in the ranking of ‘things I would like to see my curried vomit land on’. On sexual health, Jodie Marsh has leap-frogged Chlamydia to [...]