Newspaper of the Century | The 2008 Hijinx Awards

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December 4, 2008

Black guy nobody’s heard of sells out O2 for 14 nights

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : Arts & Entertainment

Music industry insiders were baffled by the rush to buy tickets for American singer John White - who has since gone on to sell out the new O2 Arena for a record 14 nights.
They hired market research company, Phil’s Market Research, to look into the phenomenon and the results showed that 99% of people had [...]


December 2, 2008

Newstalk and Today FM to become one single being, claims expert

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns

As expected the merging of the news departments of Today FM and Newstalk took place yesterday. Both stations, owned by Denis O’Brien’s Communicorp company, will pool resources with newsreaders and journalists appearing on both stations during bulletins.
There were further cutbacks at Newstalk as they cut two evening programmes. Late Night Live with Declan Carty, which [...]


November 25, 2008

Priests have unlikely new rival in album charts

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : Arts & Entertainment

There has been much media coverage of the newly released album by three Irish priests. Fathers Eugene O’Hagan (48), his brother Martin (45) and their old school friend David Delargy (44) made international headlines after signing a £1m (€1.19m) record deal with Sony BMG earlier this year and their album ‘The Priests’ is already number [...]


November 17, 2008

Tom Cruise to star in new Irish film

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : Arts & Entertainment

The Irish film industry received a welcome boost today when it was announced that Hollywood big shot and religious lunatic Tom Cruise is to star in an Irish production early next year.
The movie, which is to be a biopic of former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern, will be produced by Neil Jordan, directed by Oliver Stone and [...]


November 17, 2008

Pat Dolan ‘The Irish Kerry Katona’, says worried pal

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns

Friends of portly Setanta Sports pundit Pat Dolan have revealed they’re desperately worried about his health and have urged him to go into rehab to fight his demons.
The former St Patrick’s Athletic manager was recently photographed stuffing his face in Burger King on O’Connell Street in Dublin. Scientists concluded that the mere fact that he [...]


November 10, 2008

Gerry and Kate McCann to hit the small screen

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : Arts & Entertainment

There have been mixed reactions to the news released by Channel 5 in the UK that Gerry and Kate McCann are set to star in a remake of hit series Dempsey and Makepeace.
The show, which features a streetwise New York cop working alongside an upper class English detective, was hugely popular in the 1980s. With [...]


November 3, 2008

Barry George targets RTE’s Anne Doyle

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns

Barry George has reportedly developed a fixation on RTE newsreader Anne Doyle.
The loner, who was cleared of murdering BBC presenter Jill Dando earlier this year, has bombarded the Montrose newsroom with emails, texts (at 30c a time) and phone calls.
According to a source the 48-year-old has even threatened to wait outside the studios for Anne, [...]


October 29, 2008

More woe for Brand and Ross as BBC comes under fire

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : Arts & Entertainment

There was further bad news for the BBC and presenters Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross yesterday. With the outcry over the phone calls and messages left for actor Andrew Sachs, in which Ross blurted out that his polluted looking co-presented had “f*cked” his grand-daughter, the last thing the pair, or the corporation, needed was more [...]


October 15, 2008

Wedding daze but man says ‘Don’t pry, mate’.

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns
Filed under : Arts & Entertainment

A Dublin man is refusing all media interviews after taking part in Ireland’s most bizarre wedding ceremony yesterday.
Albert Byrne of Knocklyon yesterday married a female bonobo monkey in the Unitarian Church on St Stephen’s Green in a private ceremony with just a few family and friends on both sides present.
It is the first known wedding [...]


October 15, 2008

Man Booker controversy overshadows budget

Arnold Corns
Posted by : Arnold Corns

Despite the cataclysmic budget presented to the country by Brian Lenihan yesterday the major talking point in bars and private members clubs across Ireland was the failure of Cecilia Ahern to win the Man Booker prize.
Instead the award was given to Indian author Aravind Adiga for his debut novel ‘The white tiger’. It tells the [...]