Residents of affluent seaside suburb Clontarf have demonstrated to the rest of the country what needs to be done about the most pressing issues of the day, according to renowned social commentator, raconteur and Ron Watters.

As residents took up their cheaply made signs and Farrah slacks to protest at the opening of a new ‘head shop’ in the area, Watters believes the rest of the country should follow their lead.

Next stop - people who chew gum too loudly!

“For too long the people of Ireland have remained silent over matters which would lead to full scale rioting in other countries. It’s about time we set down the yoke of laziness and put aside the cudgels of inaction. These brave people, these historic citizens, have stood up to say enough is enough. They have peacefully and successfully protested outside a shop not one of them ever had any intention of going into.

If that’s not the mark of the true revolutionary then I don’t know what is. Che Guevara lives and breathes and drinks Chilean cabernet in The Yacht”.

As the concerned Clontarf parents send their children off to schools run by the catholic church and read their newspapers full of stories about a broken health service and a vast fraud in the banking system which goes right to the very heart of the government which has bankrupted the entire country, Watters has urged them not to stop.

“They must keep going until everybody does this as a matter of course. There are so many things they could protest about. Those new shops on Grafton Street with the temporary signs out front. How can we allow this kind of crime to be perpetrated on our society? What about the plague of Spanish students that has once again descended on our fair city? Are they to be allowed speak at such high volume all the time and then sit in vast groups … on the ground? On the ground! This is Ireland, not some parched land full of bodegas and donkeys.

And think about what a good Clontarfy protest might do to solve the problem of cars who park in cycle lanes. We either take the bull by the horns and make good this momentum or we resign ourselves to being a nation who simply won’t address the important issues”.

A spokesperson for the Clontarf residents, Emma Constance-Cox, issued a statement last night saying they were very pleased with the reaction to their protest and promised they would not stop until a legitimate business was forced to close and people were put on the dole, adding that a coffee and bridge morning to raise funds for new placards would be held on March 30th at 11.30am in her 7 bedroomed estate.