Taoiseach Brian Cowen has said there are no immediate plans to increase the existing retirement age for either public or private sector workers.

However, as Cowen is about a trustworthy as Gary Glitter in a room full of pre-pubscent Asian girls, reports are leaking from Leinster House than an announcement is imminent. The Irish Sentinel’s well placed political sources tell us it is only a matter of time before the retirement age is raised to ‘death’.

Mary Coughlan likely to retain cabinet seat despite reshuffle

“I don’t want to have to work forever”, said Paddy Madigan, as he queued for his half-portion at the carvery of his local. “I’ve worked my hole off for this country and now that blubbery prick wants me to keep going to so he doesn’t have to pay my pension and he can rape me for the tax to pay for NAMA. I’ll smash his fat face in if he tries”.

Away from threats of violence from soon to be not OAPs the cabinet reshuffle is dominating the thoughts of the Taoiseach. Rumours abound that Martin Cullen has asked to be left out of the next cabinet due to health issues although Cowen is reluctant to dimiss Mary Coughlan despite public and political pressure to do so.

“He can’t shaft Mary”, said our insider. “Cowen knows that as long as Coughlan is his right hand man, so to speak, he looks calm, assured, intelligent and decisive. Put somebody with even half a clue about what they’re doing in there and he’s going to look bad. It’s exactly why Mary Harney still has a job. She’s a partyless hack but Cowen just loves how slim she makes him look”.

For the people of Ireland Brian Cowen’s vanity proves ever more costly.