Sources close to Ashley Cole have said he’s ‘over the moon’ at the break up of his marriage to Girls Aloud singer Cheryl. Cheryl, who came second in Britain’s most photographed Geordie of 2009 competition behind Sting, made the announcement yesterday after returning from Los Angeles.

Cheryl slow on the take up

The Chelsea player has been the subject of widespread scorn and mocking as it became clear his union with one of the most beautiful women in the world was over. “Wot a tw@t”, said one poster to Chelsea fan site ‘Dennis Wise’s Taxi Ride’. “Cheryl is fit as fk nd them other bints are right dogs innit!!!!”

Yet the Irish Sentinel can exclusively reveal that Ashley had grown tired of speaking to his wife through an interpreter and was determined to bring things to a head.

“People are putting 2 and 2 together and making 3″, said the source. “Ash might be a little on the slow side but even he can see that Cheryl is about the hottest woman he could ever hope to be with, but beauty is more than skin deep. She’s a nightmare to live with, they barely speak the same language. His London ears and just not accustomed to that Northern drawl and he’s been trying to end things for some time.

He does care for her which is why it was so difficult. He couldn’t just sit her down and tell her face to face. He knew she’d fly off the handle and when someone’s screaming at you in a foreign language it’s quite intimidating.

So he knew he had to go about it a different way. He figured that by sleeping with other women, each one more hideous than the last, she’d realise what was going on. The first girl was a hairdresser who looked like she’d got her face stuck down the back of the couch before undergoing a TracyEminplasty. It was obvious from then but Cheryl never twigged. He had to keep plumbing the depths of the womankind until they got so ugly and so butch that even she couldn’t fail to see it.

Ashley is just looking forward to a quiet life now”.

A spokesperson for Cheryl Cole refused to comment this morning as John Terry issued a press release offering his ‘world renowned comforting service’ in her hour of need.