King-of-quitters Roy Keane has publicly supported George Lee following Lee’s shock departure from Fine Gael last week. The move followed a tough nine months for the RTE celeb-reporter during which sources say Lee just, ‘couldn’t get his way’.

Bird: I'm kind of a big deal

Speaking about George Lee’s brief political career, Keane said:

“He should turn off his phone. It’s basic manners. Turn off your phone. That’s the third time it has rang!” glowered Keane. “The ball shouldn’t have been in the box in the first place!”

George Lee is delighted with the support and is believed to be in talks with anti-smoking giant Nicorette for a joint advertising venture featuring himself, Keane and Kevin Keegan. Nicorette’s head of marketing Lynn Endrawers said:

“We sell quitting, so what we need are high-profile people who are synonymous with quitting. Quitting smoking is one of the most challenging things a person can do. The message we want to send is that smokers should throw their toys out of the pram and walk away from their commitment to smoking. If you can imagine smoking as a hopeful electorate, or some really passionate national football fans, what we want to do is let those people down. Just leave them hanging.”

The trio of useless, quitting turds are said to be very excited about the project. Keegan, Keane and Lee will cover the Billy Ocean classic, ‘When the going gets tough – just leave abruptly and blame it all on management, even if you are management’. New lyrics are said to include:

“I’ll climb any mountain – provided the deal is right and John Delaney killed in front of me”, and; “I’ll do anything – unless it requires perseverance, endurance, the ability to stick with it or anything that prevents  me from toddling off at the drop of a hat because I’m a big baby and I pooped my pants.”

Meanwhile RTE’s other ace-quitter, Charlie Bird is set to return his battered face to national television following a ‘sabbatical’ in America that culminated in a dreadful autobiographical documentary about male loneliness. Sources say that Bird struggled in a country where people were a different colour and it wasn’t cool to point that out.

Back in Leinster House, the jury is still out on whether the Lee debacle is a black eye or a kick in the nuts for Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny. One party insider said:

“Enda Kenny is the Paul McShane of Irish politics. You admire his commitment, but he’s brainless and every time he steps into the fray you’re just waiting for the howling error to come. It’s absolutely unthinkable that he could lead Ireland.”