Ruler of the tiny kingdom of Smurf Village, Papa Smurf, has been subjected to racial abuse, both physical and verbal, whilst visitng the Co. Meath town of Athboy.  Smurf, who is 165 years old this March, currently visiting Athboy as part of the Town Twinning Process was said to ‘visibly smurfed’ at his treatment by locals and in particular the lord Mayor of Athboy, Cllr  Fintan Snatch.

"Beardy little wanker" says Mayor of Athboy

Snatch, a former Grand Dragon of the West Leinster chapter of the Ku Klux Klan, was against the Town Twinning from the start. “We’re already Twinned with Monroeville in Alabama, Wheelright in the great state of Kentucky and Drumshambo, why would we want to associate ourselves with this breed of pint-sized shitehawks? I don’t trust them. They’re devious, beady eyed little pricks and what’s the story with the pointy white hats? They look like a bunch of hypothermic field mice…..errr with hats on ”

In a meeting with Mayor Snatch, the Smurf leader was told in no uncertain terms that the people of Athboy had no interest in twinning with the tiny principality and was given 24 hours to leave the country.  ‘I’m quite literally smurfed. He spent the entire meeting smurfing in my face and then had the smurf to call me a “beardy smurf wanker”. What the smurf is his smurfing problem?He said if I didn’t get the smurf out of town immediately he would have the entire population of Smurf Village viciously smurfed in the ass and then smurfed in a watery smurf. I’m getting the smurf out of here. ’

Papa Smurf was accompanied by Foreign Affairs minister, Smurfette, who was also subjected to racial abuse and lewd comments from townsfolk during their 2 day visit to the east midlands.  ‘I was having a BLT in The Fiddle and Firkin  and some puck ugly wankrag who stank of cats piss tried to grab me by the goother. I wasn’t having any of that so I glassed the fucker. Next thing I know I’m surrounded by a group of malodorous mutants decked out like the Clancy brothers shouting all sorts of abuse at me. “Come here to me you till I rape ya” “Show us yer pink bits you little blue scag” “ Get up on that you clowdy looking cunt”. It was pretty horrible. I made my escape by pointing to a picture of the 1996 all Ireland winning team and asking them to find Colm O’Rourke. As they leered in awe at their former heroes I pulled a legger out through the smoking area‘, said the strangely attractive, pint-sized beauty.

The Smurfs quickly scuppered plans to visit  Belfast after reading Ian Paisley’s Wikipedia page and finding that he’s “That fucking Paedopile Gargamel’s”, Godson’