Earnest celebrities and well meaning members of the public have today called for new disaster through which they show the world what caring people they are.

At a press conference in Dublin this morning a phalanx of media personalities, actors, musicians and other household names were joined by ordinary people from the street to express their concerns that people no longer have blanket coverage of them being overtly altruistic.

“We feel it’s time nature provided us with another opportunity to show how great we are”, said the lead singer of some band who nobody’s ever really heard of but play quite regularly in Whelan’s and the like. “Only 12 people showed up for our Haiti fundraising gig last night and that can only mean one thing … people are bored of Haiti. I mean, there were only 21 at the one the night before and 25 at the one the night before that”.

Ryan Tubridy larks about in Port au Prince

“It’s true that there’s an air of ‘meh’ about Haiti now”, added Ryan Tubridy whose hilarious Twitter updates from Port au Prince kept a nation entertained for minutes on end. “I don’t think it’s too much to ask for something else now. A medium sized tsunami, a volcano, a cyclone … Jakers, I think we’d even take a bog-standard Limnic eruption at this stage”.

And it’s not just celebrities who are urging the elements to do their stuff, it’s every day people and in particular the online community. Their spokesperson, @rainbowguy_8554 said “We want to do our bit too and show our support for the thousands of people who will tragically and painfully die, not forgetting the even greater number of people whose lives will be shattered forever. We’ve got Facebook groups to set up, Twitter avatars to shade in various opacities of a defined colour and blog posts to write so we can compete with one another to see who cares more. Don’t leave us hangin!”

Meanwhile, reports that a 7.9 earthquake had hit Dublin were greatly exaggerated when it turned out to be Senator Eoghan Harris falling over his own ego.