The football world was rocked yesterday as Scottish giants Celtic signed an unknown Dublin amateur just as the transfer window was slamming shut until the summer.

Keane celebrated his move to Parkhead in typical fashion

Robert “Robbie” Keane, from Tallaght in South Dublin, signed a 6 month deal with the club with the view to a permanent move in the summer. Speaking to the Irish Sentinel this morning Keane explained exactly how the move came about.

“Well, I was up in the Square just blemmin’ around an’ lookin’ at the gear in Champion Sports an’ this fella rang me up and told me Celtic were after goin’ in for me an’ that. So I says “Ask me bleedin’ hoop, Spoony”, coz I thought it was me mate Spoony playing the tricks an’ that, but it turns out it was me agent an’ I didn’t even know I had one.

He says “Robbie, Celtic want ya. They’re offering £100,000 a week and all the training gear you can carry in a holdall”. I didn’t even have to think twice. I went straight home, packed up me xBox, me JayZ CDs and me trainers, and hopped on the first flight to Glasgow. I can’t believe it!”.

A Celtic spokeman said “We believe the signing of this young man will help us catch those dirty protestants in the league. Obviously he’s a fantastic talent and the fact that he already has every Celtic jersey, home and away, for the last 12 seasons made him a hugely attractive proposition for us”.

Keane, a lifelong Celtic fan, like 98% of people who spend their days in betting shops, could make his debut this weekend. Up until now he’s been playing for Tymon Rovers in the Leinster Senior League (Sundays), but Keane and Celtic are confident that he can cope with dropping down a few levels to play in the SPL.

We wish him luck.