Gary Neville, Man United right back and wearer of sport’s worst Ronny, has blasted Carlos Tevez ahead of tomorrow night’s Carling Cup semi-final 2nd leg at Old Trafford. After scoring twice against his old club in the first leg, the Argentinian striker responded to his former captain’s sly middle-fingered salute by calling him a ‘boot licking moron’.

Tevez reacted poorly to Neville's latest taunts

Tevez then admitted he could barely speak English despite living England for nearly four years, leading some pundits to claim football was in danger of a pot/kettle overload.

Despite calls for calm from the FA and police, Neville again stoked the fires in an interview with United’s in-house TV Channel, MUTV. He said “Of course a Manchester derby is always a big game and with a place at Wembley at stake this is the most important one for years as City haven’t been this close to a trophy since they did a team bonding tour of the Nou Camp in 2001 and they all had their picture taken in front of the European Cup replica”.

When asked if the game would be extra competitive because of the fallout from the first leg, Neville said, “As the manager keeps telling us, we have to concentrate on our own game and not worry about City. That’s exactly what we’ll do and we won’t be paying any special attention to that hideous monster, although I have to admit I was concerned the game would be moved to after the 9pm watershed in case little children got frightened when he appeared on screen.

I mean, I know I’m no oil painting, or even a charcoal sketch, but he’s a mutant. Give him a head of snakes for hair and Medusa’s own mother wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. God, he sickens me”.

United manager Alex Ferguson has tried to calm things down, saying “Of course Tevez is an ugly bastard who looks a zombie’s abortion but we need to get back to talking about football and not the grotesquely misshapen headed players that City have. I mean, what the fuck is up with Lescott anyway? Is it true his real dad is Commander Worf?”

City’s debonair new manager Roberto Mancini said “Mffff a ppfmm pffff mfppe mmppfff a pfff fpfmmmmhh a mhhhh a mmmmmhhaa” before lowering his scarf and suggesting that no team with Wayne Rooney, Gary Neville and Anderson, clinically proven unable to close his own mouth, could possibly take another to task about having ugly players.

A war of words it may be, but for the neutral fan, we can only hope these words spark scenes of sickening violence on the pitch and, more importantly, on the terraces tomorrow night.