Under pressure Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez thanked the club’s fans for their support after they beat Spurs 2-0 at Anfield last night, but die-hard reds may be shocked to know the win came at some cost.

Liverpool have struggled this season, losing and drawing too many games for a team that was tipped to win the title, and with even a Champions League position in the balance it looked as if the Spaniard’s reign at Anfield might be coming to an end. Despite changing tactics, team line-ups, training ground routines and every other available FootbalL Manager trick, such as instructing his players to use ‘Tackling: hard’ and ‘Pressing: always’, results just weren’t getting any better.

Dirk Kuyt got both Liverpool goals

Desperate for three points against one of their closest rivals for a top four spot, Benitez consulted former Liverpool legend Barry Venison who is now a practising Satanist. “When Rafa came to me I knew it was because he had exhausted all other possibilities. I’m a realist. I know people don’t want to ask Satanists for help, what with the whole Satan being prince of evil and that, but there’s Champions League money at stake here. Some things are more important than whether or not your soul burns for all eternity.

I gave him a few tips and one of our handy 64 page introductory booklets which give you some easy to follow rituals. And last night they beat Spurs 2-0. Coincidence? I think not”.

The Irish Sentinel can exclusively reveal that Benitez, assistant manager Sammy Lee and captain Steven Gerrard performed a gory sacrificial rite at Liverpool’s Melwood training complex yesterday morning. The unfortunate victim was Bash Street Kids-headed youngster, Jay Spearing, who was tied down while Benitez cut out his heart with a dagger made from the sharpened femur of Jim Beglin. Lee and Gerrard writhed naked in the blood as Benitez carried out a throaty incantation to the devil.

According to sources close to Benitez justified the slaughter of one of the club’s most promising young midfielders by saying, “We needed a goal, no? Thees ees a fact. I am talking about facts. We can not rely on the referee being perfect, no? Thees ees also a fact”, and carried on talking about facts and perfect referees and 27.000 people for close to an hour.

Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp declined to comment when the Irish Sentinel put the story to him but our reporter claims he reached almost 300 twitches per minute as he scanned the documents. FA rules do not preclude the use of magic, either white or black, leaving Redknapp with no scope for appeal but more time to get his taxes in order.