The people of Haiti were today celebrating the first miracle of the new decade as a mass status change on Facebook instantaneously solved all the problems caused by last week’s devastating earthquake.

As shocked and badly wounded Haitians looked on in wonder, buildings reassembled themselves and rose skywards, services such as water and electricity began to work again and even more amazingly thousands of people came back to life. Initially there were some casualties as the superstitious people feared a rising of zombies and set about the resurrected with crude machetes, but soon it became clear that a once in a lifetime event had taken place.

Facebook group defeats nature

Eye-witness Claude D’Arcy-Trent-Terrence told the Irish Sentinel, “It was incredible. One moment I was mourning the loss of my entire family, my home and what meagre possessions I had whilst standing knee deep in rubble and corpses, the next life had returned completely to normal. I thank God for what he has done”.

Yet researchers at MIT have discovered that God played no part in the miraculous goings-on. Close analysis of web trends in the hours leading up to the event left them in doubt that Facebook users were the ones who saved the day. Professor Marlon Prince, head of Teh Internets 2.0, said “We’ve never seen anything like this. It appears that in just under two hours over three and half million people joined the group ‘Save Haiti by joining this Facebook group and you can feel better about yourself without actually having to do anything ‘. Quite how it had the power to reconstruct an entire nation is something we’re unclear about at the moment but the best guess we have is that somehow it roused Superman who flew around the world really really fast to reverse time and having had some practice at this in the past he has honed his skills to the point where he can be region specific. Obviously it’s something we’re going to keep working on though”.

A spokesman for Facebook said “Once again it shows the power of social networking and when it comes right down to it, Facebook is the daddy. Perhaps if the people of Iran had used us instead of getting all those Twitter idiots to change their avatars green then they might have democracy now. USA! USA!”.