The world’s most deadly condition received broad applause yesterday following news that cancer had taken another major motherfucker out. Fresh off the back of some sterling work that spared us a middle-aged, televised Jade Goody, the literate world today rejoiced with the news that King Dong Ill is checking the fuck out thanks to pancreatic cancer.

President Obama said:

“That’s what’s so fucking cool about cancer – that shit shows up all over the place and BAM! Kim Ding-Dong is prawn toast.”

Kim: Still ronery.

The Association for Idiots Against Tasteless Internet Drivel meeped and whined about how we shouldn’t laugh at someone’s misfortune, but the rest of the meat-eating, leather-wearing world said the cunt deserves it, things can only get better for North Korea and we look forward to seeing some North Korean porn, because there definitely hasn’t been any of that.

Alan Greenspan, former chairman of the US Federal Reserve said:

“North Korea will now be able to avail of international loans and credit to kick-start its economy, but these loans have a price: The liberalisation of markets, the privatisation of state assets – and porn. Porn is to the 21st Century what McDonalds was in the 1900s. America does not go to war with nations that produce porn. Iran – No porn. Afghanistan – No porn. These are the harsh truths that you don’t hear discussed in the UN security council, but if we knew the Taliban insurgency exported babysitter or secretary-themed sex videos, it would solve a lot of problems and save a lot of lives.”

Porn-ification has been touted as the scourge of the current global recession and it could take over from the lofty, disbelievable notion that being green could actually save the world and the economy at the same time. One economics professor said:

“I mean come ON! That’s like saying we’re going to cure hunger with crayons.”