The Irish Sentinel can exclusively reveal that one of the first moves of Barack Obama’s presidency will be to withdraw all US support for Israel.

The two countries have been long-time allies with the United States providing financial and military aid, often in the face of severe criticism. However, a recent protest in Edinburgh has provided the kind of wake up call that many feel is long overdue.

Clogs - projectiles of peace

Last Saturday thousands of protestors bombarded the US Embassy with shoes during a demonstration calling for an end to the current military action in Gaza. About 300 shoes, including ski-boots and clogs, were thrown as part of the protest. Three police officers sustained minor injuries.

The President elect immediately called a secret meeting of his advisors and cabinet and after three hours of discussion a decision was made to discontinue the sale of weaponary to Israel along with the immediate cessation of financial aid for bedraggled Jews.

An Obama insider told us “We were shocked at what happened in Edinburgh. I mean, we knew people weren’t happy with the way we supported Israel but it wasn’t until they started throwing shoes that we really understood. How could we have been so blind all these years?

A new era is coming and we have those brave people to thank. Those people who had nothing better to do than get up on Saturday morning and throw clogs at a building. Truly theirs is the ultimate sacrifice and when the history books chronicle the events of this period then truly they will be the real heroes”.

A spokesperson for the shoethrowers, Tristan St. John-Sinclair-O’Toole said “Of course we’re delighted that this will end of the suffering of the poor, innocent civilians who none of us know personally but most of all we’re chuffed that we can stick two fingers up at those people who said we couldn’t make a difference.

Now we’re off to throw wellingtons at McDonalds so they stop raping the rainforest. Shoe-chuckers, ahoy!”, he said blowing a plastic trumpet and slapping his side as if he were riding an imaginary horse.