Taoiseach Brian Cowen will leave Ireland for Las Vegas later today in an attempt to balance the country’s books.

With a delegation that will include Minister for Finance, Brian Lenihan, and Cowen’s personal henchman and bodyguard, Mary Coughlan, the Fianna Fail leader will ‘hit the slots’ to try and win enough money to keep the country running for another 12 months.

Cowen in the red - just like the public finances

A source told the Irish Sentinel “All avenues have been explored and this, after much careful consideration, has turned out to be the best option. We would have invested in Euro Millions but unless there’s a 10 week rollover it’s just not viable.

We have to act now because the public would never forgive us if we sat around waiting for that rollover to happen. What if it got to 9 weeks and then some old bastard from Switzerland won it? We’d be accused of all kinds of inaction”.

Cowen, a ‘lethal’ poker player, according to friends, is likely to focus primarily on the blackjack and roulette games. Senior officials in the Department of Finance have outlined the strategy he’ll take. “He’s going to bet on red the whole time. So if he puts €2,000,000 and loses he’ll just put €4,000,000 down the next time. And if that loses he’ll put down €8,000,000. We’ve looked for a flaw in this plan but we just can’t see it. As long as he doubles whatever he loses on the next bet then he’ll be even at worst. How could it go wrong?”

Minister Lenihan meanwhile has undergone an intensive card counting course which includes watching the film 21 over and over again to see how to win big at the blackjack table.

His father, Brian Lenihan Sr, won a new liver in a game of pontoon with former Taoiseach Charles Haughey in 1987. Unbenknownst to him though Haughey used his connections in the medical world and surgeons in the Blackrock Clinic used a manatee’s liver in the transplant operation. Lenihan died soon afterwards.

Speaking last night Mr Cowen admitted his methods were unconventional but said “Let’s hope I can use the red to get the country back in the black, and that Lenno doesn’t go bust!”

Nobody laughed.