Artists impression of the bug

Tragedy struck Longford early this morning as a bug in Microsoft’s flagship web browser slaughtered 14 innocent school children.

The deceased 4th class students all attended the St. Mary of the Divine Spoon national school in Abbeyshrule. A post-mortem will be carried our later this afternoon, but it is believed the children perished during mid-morning break. Their teacher, Mrs. Toale, had left the class unattended for 5 minutes in order to retrieve her notebook from the staffroom. Witnesses say that a young computer enthusiast in the class, Jimmy Flavin, somehow managed to power up the class computer, and load up the Google.

It is believed Flavin’s computer hacking antics drew quite a crowd as he proceeded to type the word “boobs” into the Google image search. The giggles were short-lived however, as a previously undiscovered bug in Internet Explorer 7 leapt from the screen and shot the child’s face off like a hobo pulling the skin off a bowl of tomato soup.

The bug then proceeded to slaughter everyone in range, as a frenzied bloodbath of ones and zeroes raged on for at least five minutes. It was only when Mrs. Toale returned and pulled the plug on the computer did the killing stop. The beast retreated to the dark solace of his LCD prison for another day, leaving the 4th class teacher sloshing about, knee-deep in the blood of the innocent. The survivors have been shipped to a mental institution in Donegal for ongoing treatment.

Mrs. Toale has been given a strongly-worded written warning by the teachers union and a file is being prepared for the DPP.