According to the latest opinion poll, Fianna Fáil popularity amongst the Irish public is at an all-time low. In a fancy Pacman shaped pie-chart in today’s Irish Times, Fine Gael lead the poll with 34%, while Cowen and the Fianna Fáil rat circus languish in the doldrums with a paltry 2%. This places the government slightly ahead of cluster rape, but behind AIDS, in terms of popularity.

My name is Enda Kenny and I approve this message.

Upon hearing the results, The Sentinel learned this morning that Enda Kenny’s ego has multiplied by a factor of 42. He now equals both Eddie Hobbs and Gerry Ryan in terms of smug obnoxiousness.

With Fine Gael surging ahead in the poll, one can’t help but ponder on the outcome of the 2007 election in which Fianna Fail won by a 41.6% majority share. The numbers indicate an interesting pattern that we will now illustrate for our readers in the simplest terms possible:

You voted them back in, you fucking plebs. Despite the allegations, incompetence, corruption, greed, arrogance… you still found a soft spot in your collective heart for the gentle northside charms of aul Bertie. You obviously haven’t learned a thing from the Haughey years. Now the shit has hit the fan and you might not be able to afford that new 5 series you’ve been hankering after? You want Fianna Gael to come and fix all your problems?

Fuck you. Deal with it.