Minister for health, Mary Harney, has today reneged on her earlier decision to cancel the cervical cancer vaccine, stating that the life-saving treatment would hopefully be made available by the year 2081.

Following the dissolution of the Hutt Party yesterday, it’s been an extremely busy week for the Minister. She now finds herself without her political party to back her up in any major cabinet decisions.

Speaking to the Irish Sentinel earlier this morning, Harney explained that, although the lives of thousands of young women could be saved annually, budget constraints had forced her to delay the implementation of the scheme for at least 72 years. She added: “Sure they’ll probably have a cure for cancer by 2081. I’ll be long in me grave by that time. Sure what the feck do I care. Now c’mon, where’s that breakfast roll you promised me?”

While her future within the Irish government looks uncertain, The Sentinel has learned that the Rancor has secured a high-ranking position within the Health Service Executive.