Independent TD Jackie Healy-Rae has accused Minister for Health, Mary Harney, of being ‘the angel of death’ after she revealed plans to have all 12-year-old girls vaccinated against a virus that causes cervical cancer were to be scrapped.

The Minister claims that due to the economic downturn that resources cannot be made available and must be allocated to more pressing areas of the health service. Critics have called for her resignation, again, with Healy-Rae saying “This is a thundering disgrace, worse than Eoin ‘the bomber’ Liston being dropped for that championship game against the Dubs back in 1982.

12 year olds set to die because of Harney

How can this woman sleep at night knowing she has condemned a load of young girls to gee cancer? I mean, of all the places to get cancer having it your gee must surely the be worst. You wouldn’t be able to pish or anything. She needs to stop and think about how she’d feel if her gee was a great big cancerous mess”.

Speaking from his newly renovated office, costing €250,000, former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern leapt to the defence of Harney. “Look, those that say the money should be found are talking garbage nonsense. Look, it’s one thing spending a few bob on doing up my office, despite the fact I’m not Taoiseach anymore, but to suggest that €10m or €20m should be found just to give 12 year olds an injection is stupid. Where are they supposed to get it? Do they think there’s a money tree at the back of Leinster House, the gobshites? They’re driving this government to the point where they’re going to have to start counterfeiting money and paying for things in cash and nobody wants to go back to those dark days.

Anyway, ask any 12 year old girl if she actually wants an injection and she’ll tell you ‘no’. What kid would? So it’s not as if you’re taking Bebo away from them or something. In fact, they could use it to their advantage by making sure they know that this government saved them the pain of an injection – they’ll get that back in votes in a few years, just you see”.

It’s just the latest in a long line of cutbacks by the Health Minister who recently approved a new scheme to replace dialysis machines with teasmaids, signing a €4m deal with Harvey Norman to supply the necessary equipment. Meanwhile acute cancer services in the North East are being hampered by the HSE’s insistence that prostate cancer be treated by inserting one plutonium rod into the rectal passages of up to 25 men a day.