Continuing our updates on the US election reports are reaching us that Newstalk presenter George Hook, in Washington to cover the historic event, has eaten Sarah Palin’s down syndrome child.

“I just thought it was one of those great big hamburgers you get over here”, said Hook, his jowls wobbling in despair. Station bosses are thought to be 100% behind the rugby guru and blame Palin for leaving the child unattended on a table.

Meanwhile it looks like Chicago is bracing itself for the biggest party it has ever seen as more exit polls show Barack Obama’s lead to be increasing. Entertainment for the night will feature Peter Cetera and Billy Corgan’s smooth jazz renditions of Sinatra and Manson classics while R Kelly is nowhere to be found after writing a 18 part R’nB opera called ‘Black man in the White house’ (emphasis his).