Irish rabbis have called for Hallowe’en celebrations to be banned, a move which has sparked outrage amongst Moore Street fireworks sellers.

Jewish leaders claim that in a secular nation there should be no religious celebrations apart from Yom Kippur, Hanukkah, Passover, Rosh Hashanah, Tenth of Tevet and Harvey Fierstein’s birthday. Rabbi Sam E Davis Jr from the Terenure Synagogue said in an interview with Jewish newspaper, The Zionist Conspiracy, yesterday “We call on the Irish government to put an end to this pagan madness. It is one thing having Christian celebrations, it’s another having filthy pig Arab religious celebrations, but to glorify a pagan festival is abhorrent and Jehovah is going to smite the nation worse than Brian Lenihan’s budget.

Never go back to firework that doesn't go off

There’s only so much he can take and unless firm and decisive action is taken now we will have to take matters into own own hands. If they come at us with sparklers we will counter with whistling rockets. If they attack us with Roman candles, we will respond with half-sticks”.

But Marjorie O’Leary who has been selling illegal fireworks for years on Moore Street thinks this is just political correctness gone mad. “Dey do hate everytin’, dem Jooze. Dere’s nuttin’ dat pleases dem and dey should go back to dere own country, wherever it is. I’ve been sellin’ bangers and rockits for more dan 40 year down here. De inside of me knockers are stained wit gunpowder.

Sure one year didn’t some gouger throw a match down me cleavage and now de left one looks like dat Falklands fella. If dey can’t enjoy de hallowe’en and a bit o’ bangin’ and bright lights den dey should stay indoors like dogs or cats or haemophiliacs”.

Despite the powerful Jewish lobby in Ireland it seems the government will withstand any pressure to cancel the one of the most traditional and well loved holidays of the year. “Sure, doesn’t it give dem firemen sumtin’ to do?”, said Marjorie O’Leary. “De rest of de year dey’re just sittin’ on their holes making nude calendars”.