With the budget looming the government has decided a new approach is needed to reassure citizens that they know what they’re doing.

Nicknamed ‘Honesty First’ it is expected that ministers from all departments, and even the Taoiseach, will admit to errors in order to let people know they can fix them. “How can anybody have any faith in a government which refused to admit its wrongdoings?”, said a Fianna Fail insider.

“By acknowledging the things they have done badly they can then turn around say ‘Hey, we know where we went wrong and as such we know exactly how to make things right again’. It’s a refreshing new side of politics and I’m sure the public will come to love it in no time, the feckless suckers”.

Spitting image puppet displays new slogan

The campaign was launched yesterday by Taoiseach Brian Cowen, Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan and some spotty lady (pictured left).

As government front benchers were being drilled on how to say the word ‘honesty’ without laughing into their hands and how not to automatically tell lies even when they want to tell the truth, new leaks were emerging about the upcoming budget.

It is believed that duty will increase on a packet of cigarettes by as much as €10, the price of a pint will go up by €1.50 except in the Dawson Street super-trendy bars where it will be €2, and the base rate of income to tax is to be raised to 98%.

Smokers rights groups were up in arms with Eddie Mulligan of the National Fag Agency saying “This is a disgrace. Once again smokers are being punished too severely. €10 in one go? Madness. I mean, I’m still not going to give them up but I will object most strenuously and by God I’ll collect the phlegm I cough up every morning and fling it at Brian Cowen if I ever see him”.

As well as that the government is making plans to use all the money earmarked for the health service and the construction of Metro north to buy Euromillions tickets every Friday.

: We asked an average smoker for their thoughts on the proposed increase on the blems in the new budget.

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