A Rathfarnham man is enjoying his new found wealth today after being rewarded by the wife of a late African politician.

Sean Dempsey, a milkman, was today $12,000,000 richer when his act of kindness enabled Mrs Betswinga N’Dugu to release funds that had been held in her late husbands bank account after his death. She had been so poor after the accident which claimed N’Dugu N’Dugu’s life back in 1998 that she had been forced into begging on the street just to have enough change to get an hour in an internet café so she could send emails looking for help.

Kerching! Man poses with Nigerian cheque

“I was just surfing around some of my favourite anorexic sites”, said Dempsey, “when I heard the familiar chime of my email program going off. That meant I had mail. I sifted through the spam from the likes of my brother, who insists on sending me hilarious messages which always ask me scroll down, further, further, keep going, for a typically lame punchline usually in pink, when I something caught my eye.

It was from Mrs N’Dugu and she explained that her husband had been the Minister for Finance in Botswana who had, over the years, amassed a huge fortune. However, when he died the government froze his assets, suspecting him of fraud, and deleted their marriage licence so there was no proof that she had any claim to his estate.

She told me that she could free up the bank account but that she would need me to send her some funds to do it. She promised me a 40% cut if I could help her out. Normally I wouldn’t pay attention to this kind of thing but the way this woman wrote really spoke to me. It was so heartfelt. She had a wonderful way with words. Of course I was aware of the 419 scam but I just figured ‘Hey, with all these emails going around surely one of them must be real’. It’s like when people say ‘With all those planets and galaxies we can’t be the only life in the universe’. Eventually one of them will be proved right.

I felt the law of averages was on my side. So I took out a second mortgage on my house, sent her a Western Union payment for €100,000 and just waited. I have to say she was very good at keeping the lines of communication open and I felt so sorry for her when she had to ask me for €25,000 more in order to bribe some corrupt officials. But I never doubted her and it has restored my faith in humanity. You do someone a good turn, they’ll do you one. That’s the way it should be. I know people go on and on about these Nigerian spammers but they’re not all bad, let me tell you!”

Typically these kinds of emails are little more than a way of extracting large sums of money from gullible fools all over the world. The Irish Sentinel computer correspondant Damien D’Apple said “I would suggest to people that what happened to Mr Dempsey is the exception rather than the rule. Just because he happened to meet the one decent Nigerian doesn’t mean anyone else will. People should be very aware than 419ers are generally desperate cheats, choosing to try the email scam before they take to the streets as rent boys. But fair play to Mr Dempsey, there’s always one, isn’t there?!”

As for his new found wealth, the quiet Dubliner says he’s not going to let it change him but has admitted he’ll treat himself to a few small luxuries like a house in Ballsbridge, a new Mercedes sports car, a butler, four slaves from the Congo and a trophy girlfriend who’s only into him because of his money but who looks much better than any girl he could ever pull without a massive bank account so it’s all right.