Palin tackling Alaskan tribal sovereignty issues

Following her purchase of ‘My First Atlas’ from Amazon last week, Alaskan backwater governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin is reaching out to America’s christian allies across the globe.

In a press conference earlier today, she praised the catholic church in Ireland for their hard-line stance on abortion.

Palin, increasingly known for her repulsion of logic, claimed that God himself rode down on a flaming white horse from heaven to deliver a message to the people of Ireland. In this message he declared that Irish catholics would not be ‘left below’ when the rapture comes, thanks to their  position on abortion, contraception, gays, Joe Duffy, more gays, and Bourneville biscuits.

The non-believers however would be subject to a fiery and brutal death at the hands of the dark one, followed by an agonising eternity of Ryan Confidential repeats in hell.

Even worse news was in store for the liberal elite of Balbriggan where an Iranian restaurant opened it’s doors for business last week.

Palin claims that God informed her, through the medium of burnt toast, that the sleepy north Dublin suburb would be wiped off the face of the earth by a meteor in 2010 as punishment for harbouring, what she calls, the “brown curse”.

Turning her attention to issues in the north, the buxom VPILF expressed further concern over scientific claims that the Giants Causeway was formed over 23 million years ago.

Following an earlier consultation with her personal witch-doctor, she promised that the merciful lord above would deliver a plague of annoying, pee-smelling locusts to Antrim unless the records were immediately changed to state, irrefutably, that God had built the causeway 4000 ago years as a shelter for ancient Celtic dinosaur hunters.