An Taoiseach Brian Cowen has enraged the ancestors of victims of Ireland’s Potato famine by today declaring the disaster as “a blessing in disguise”. The Great Famine of 1847 which claimed the lives of 2 million Irish citizens and forced another 2 million to emigrate was brought about when English settlers set about injecting every spud in the country with a vicious strain of Bird Flu.

“Back in those days people loved spuds so much they’d eat them for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They’d boil them, fry them, roast them, sauté them, chip them, boil them, stew them and they’d even stick them on the George Foreman on special occasions.” Said Laslo Saintclaire, Historian and author of Famine book,  Hungry Cunts.

English injected spuds with flu

“It wasn’t like there was nothing else to eat. There was a Macaris takeaway in every town and village in the country but nobody wanted their patented brand of authentic Italian cuisine, they only wanted potatoes. Even when news of the killer virus infected spuds came to light, they couldn’t help themselves. Trying to get them to stop eating spuds would be akin to trying to stop Ryan Tubridy coming across as a smug, weasel faced little prick. It was just never going to happen.”

An Taoiseach, Mr Cowen, made the comments during a trip to France where he was meeting French premier, Nikolas Sarkozy to discuss the current crisis in global banking.

“It’s true. Without the famine, where would we be? There were 8 million cunts living in the country before that sweet, sweet disease arrived on our shores. Of the 2 million that died,1,999,999 of them were working in agriculture the other was that queer postman from Ballymore Eustace. The 2 million that left the country were predominantly farmers too so I’m sure you can see my point. Can you imagine what this place would be like with 4 million odd more farmers? Fuck me sideways, it would be a fuckin’ nightmare.

There’s barely enough land for the whinging bunch of punished minges that currently work the land around here, if there were 4 million more we’d have to pedestrianise Kildare Street, Nassau Street and most of Dame and Westmoreland streets to accommodate the amount of protest marches the fuckers would go on. And then there’s the smell. Have you ever smelled a farmer? Jesus Christ on a Raleigh Racer it’s fucking horrific. They smell worse than a knackers mattress.”

Opposition Leader, Enda Kenny remarked on the Taoiseachs outburst “I find The Taoiseach’s comments to be  incredibly insulting to members of the farming community. It really does baffle me, especially when you consider that his own father was pig raping wheat reaper himself. He seems to have alienated the entire agrilculture industry in this country on the basis that they may smell bad? It’s a bit rich when you think about the malodourous heifer he has running the health system in this country. The bang off her gargantuan clunge would overwhelm a sewage worker.”

“This is the greatest injustice in the farming community since Glenroe was cancelled. WE didn’t stand idly by then and we’re not about to start now”,said Scratch Pa Flaherty of the IFA.