In a radical move designed to shore up Ireland’s nose-diving economy the government today issued a statement promising to guarantee all payments due to Xtravison for late back dvds. This amount is thought to be 18 times the Irish GDP.

‘Most of these monies have accrued from rentals of the recent releases of ‘No Country for Old Men’ and ‘There Will Be Blood’, said economistress and self-confessed tardy returner Jane Holland. ‘Couples rent these cinematic treats on Friday night with every intention of watching them at some point over the weekend but find themselves distracted by the trials of everyday life, such as getting messed up on sugar-bowls full of cocaine and The X-tra Factor.’

And then, tragically, the dvds sit on top of the telly, unwatched for up to two weeks as the battle of the sexes is played out on the Normandy beaches of whose job it is to make the return.

Queues for returns of 'What Happens in Vegas' are long but manageable

‘When the drop is made, even when the store is open, it’s almost always through that letterbox thingy,’ expounded Holland. ‘Inevitably the shame caused by attempting to bluff their way through conversations about the ending of the Coen Brother’s Oscar winner leads people to re-rent both films the following Friday, whilst assuring the spotty adolescent behind the counter that they intend catching up with their debt the next time they’re in. And so the cycle continues.’

Also guaranteed under the new plans are the piggybanks of Minister for Finance Brian Lenihan’s 11 nieces and 2 nephews.  Asked this morning whether public finances were to sufficient to cover these massive amounts, The Minster told reporters: ‘Ah well, you know.’

Plans to put a similar scheme in place for overdue library books have been shelved due to widespread apathy.