The Environmental Protection Agency has called for the resignation of  John Gormley after discovering that drinking water in Galway is giving people AIDS.

A new study showed that almost the whole water supply in the county is infected with the disease and experts are warning that things could get worse unless urgent action is taken. Public health notices have been posted countywide while shop owners have been unable to keep up with demand for bottled water since the news was broken late last night.

An EPA spokesman said “This is very serious indeed. A bit of lead is one thing, and even something that will give you the runs for a few days is manageable if not ideal, but the fact is people in Galway are being infected with HIV every time they have a cup of tea. Boiling the water doesn’t make the slightest bit of difference, it just gives them a warmed-up version of the virus”.

AIDS free vats being filled but is it too late?

Local residents are understandably annoyed. “This is disgraceful”, said Marian Reilly from Salthill, “I made a stew for the whole family last week and now all of us, except the youngest who had beans and potato waffles, have full blown AIDS”.

“I’m spewing about this”, said another man who wished to remain anonymous. “All we want is some fresh drinking water and they’re giving us the gay plague. I’ve seen that fillum with Tom Hanks. The last thing I want is to go out covered in lesions with Bruce Springsteen playing in the background. People say we should get revenge by going up with Dublin and making John Gormley drink a glass of Galway water, see how he likes life with with the disease. It sounds grand but I’ve half a mind to give it to him the old fashioned way”.

The Minister for the Envirnoment was unavailable for comment but a Green Party spokesperson told the Irish Sentinel that all measures were being considered to solve the problem, including sending everyone in Galway to Africa. “They have loads of AIDSers over there”, they said, “so they’d hardly notice a few more”.

It’s not the first problem the Greens have had to face in recent week. After the air in Sligo was found to contain pollutants that caused serious deformity in unborn, and many born, children and adults, the acid rain that melted the face off a baby in Cabra, and the radical new proposal to introduce a steering wheel tax to pay for carbon credits there are many that feel the Green Party should do the honourable thing and resign from government.

The latest suggestion that Galway residents should wear a condom when drinking from the tap must surely be the final straw.