The Dail resumed after its summer break today and the opposition were quick to round on the government for the state of the economy.

Leading the charge was Labour leader Eamonn Gilmore who accused Taoiseach Brian Cowen of doing nothing and claimed that 146,000 people had lost their jobs since he took over as leader of the country. “Those figures are disgraceful”, he said, “yet the government do nothing”.

Brian Cowen hit back saying that it was “100% wrong” to accuse the government of doing nothing. “It just shows what little deputy Gilmore knows. For his information we’ve been making sure people are focussed on all the cancer scandals so they don’t notice how many jobs are being lost”.

Gormley unhappy at first day back pranks

The Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny also took aim at Brian Cowen suggesting that the job he was doing was less than exemplary and he called into question his parentage. “I would respectfully suggest”, he said, “that Mrs Cowen, the Taoiseach’s mother, would have been well known around her village for her lack of morals and the relative ease of access to her genital region. Also, deputy Cowen does not inspire dread in locals the way I do for I am fearsome and all powerful, slaying people not only with my handgun but with the style and speed with which I deliver my lyrical orations”.

Again this sparked an angry rebuttal from the Taoiseach who stood with his arms folded in an aggressive manner before freestyling Enda Kenny to brink of tears.

But there were moments of good humour too as John Gormley unveiled a new series of measures to reduce the carbon emissions into the Irish atmosphere.

“You could start by keeping your stupid mouth shut”, yelled Fine Gael’s Alan Shatter before the house erupted into laughter when Sinn Féin’s Caoimhghín Ó Caoláin snuck up behind the Green Party leader, rashered him with a steel edged ruler then gave him a massive wedgie.