Passport seekers are being advised to steer clear of photo booths across Ireland as a firmware update malfunction has caused them to suck the souls from unsuspecting users.

In highly classified internal documents seen by the Irish Sentinel, technical staff at Farrell Corp, the company that makes 95% of the machines present in supermarkets and DART stations, warned management that as well as taking pictures that make people appear to be serial killers, retarded, or both, the machines were harvesting souls and storing them in the internal ROM chips.

Soulless zombies set to feast on your blood?

In stark language they explained that unless a total recall of the machines is carried out that up to 10% of the Irish population could be without their souls by Christmas time. This would lead to licentiousness and the giving of poor gifts which would have a devastating effect on the economy.

Despite these warnings the management have thus far chosen to ignore the problem, leading to speculation that something more sinister is afoot. Also seen in the documentation were photocopies of wire transfers made to a Dr Egon Spengler in New York City. These were stapled to a green paper folder which contained grainy black and white photographs a large container being delivered to the company’s Baggot Street headquarters. This reporter has been led to believe that it contains a piece of apparatus known as a ‘containment grid’.

An expert speculated to the Irish Sentinel what might be going on. “It seems to me”, said Walter Peck, “that the transfer of these souls from the ROM chips to the containment grid is inevitable. Then Farrell Corp will own the souls of these people. Most of them won’t even know they’ve lost them until they receive a communication to advise them of the fact. Everyone knows you can’t buy a soul so I believe they will be forced to carry out acts of social terrorism in order to retrieve them”.

Despite being pressed further as to what these might be he refused to comment, suggesting that his brilliant mind would come up with deeds so monstrous that Farrell Corp would never have thought of them and he didn’t want to give them any ideas.

The Irish Sentinel has passed this evidence along to the Data Protection Commissioner who has assured us he will take a good look at it as soon as he gets through the 132 lost HSE laptop investigations he is currently dealing with. In the meantime it is recommended the public avoid the photobooths and have their passport pictures taken in a pharmacists who, experts say, have had little or no interest in human souls since the medical card system was introduced.