Hanging out with the minister for transport

The Irish Sentinel has today learned that over 1,400 provisionally licensed drivers are to be disciplined following recent changes to the motoring laws.

Most of the offenders had reportedly failed to properly display L-plates or had been using their vehicles unaccompanied by a fully-licensed driver.

As a result, the offenders are to be taken to a purpose built gallows in Portlaoise to be hanged immediately.

Minister for transport Noel Dempsey has been criticised for his harsh stance, but rebutted saying “It’s tough, but fair. We realise the new scheme will take a little getting used to but we’re doing it for the sake of public safety. We have to get the message across to our road users that life is precious, above all else.”

Dempsey, who himself retains shares in various quicklime and shovel companies in the region, declared the gallows open for business earlier this week with a oversized pair of comedy scissors.

An Taoiseach Brian Cowen was unable to attend the opening due to an emergency cabinet meeting with John Gormley TD to discuss this year’s crucial parsnip crop.