Detectives from Kevin Street Organised Crime squad have hailed last night’s find of boxes and boxes of pipes as a ’significant breakthrough’ against gangland crime in Dublin.

Since a row broke out over whose green areas had the best swingsets the Dublin suburbs of Crumlin and Drimnagh have been at war. Up until now the body count has been relatively minor, with a mere 1,456 people killed in the conflict, but many of those died from unsanitary conditions as they tried to exist and get kids to school from the trenches in which the war is fought.

Archive footage of Mourne Road, Drimnagh

However, Gardai believe that massive casualties would have been suffered by both sides had they not made the discovery at around 10pm last night.

According to Detective Sergeant Aloysious Nally “That lot would have made shite of each other if they’d got hold of these pipes. You think Omagh was bad? You think 9-11 was bad? You think Hiroshima was bad? You think the Empire blowing up Tatouine was bad? Well this would have been even more bad than that. Except worse”.

Recent pipe bomb atrocities have included the Star Roller Disco massacre in which 45 teenagers were killed as they skated to hits from Cameo, Alexander O’Neal and Hue and Cry, the John Bosco incident in which a number of underage boxers and their coaches were blown up and the Submarine Disaster which saw a hundred and twelve Liverpool fans lose their lives as the pub was attacked during the first Premier League game of this season.

It is hoped that last night’s find will help stem the violence for the foreseeable future, with Nally going on to say “As soon as we find the tobacco now they’re proper fucked”.